After the recent upheaval calling for a conclusion to the Beirut Port ‘investigation’ and ‘justice’ for the victims; top Lebanese officials, politicians, and gang kingpins met yesterday to discuss plans for a bigger, better, crazier disaster designed to steal the spotlight away from the 2020 explosion.
Designated spokesman, Naeim Fakhfakhdar, said that it is virtually impossible to absorb public rage from the collapsing currency, governmental dysfunctionality, and erasure of all forms of life without a new supersized disaster, one that will give politicians enough space to embezzle public funds without anyone turning a blind eye their way.
“The dead-end reached in the investigation is a result of restless concerned politicians unable to concentrate on the real issues they were facing. Our priority is to radically end their psychological and physical tournament now endured for over a year,” he added.
Naiem highlighted the superb participation and diligence displayed by all attendees brainstorming creative ideas for new upcoming disasters.
“Given that the port disaster has been classified as one of the largest non-nuclear explosions in human history, we have no choice but to launch a similar nuclear bomb to the impoverished North, killing two birds with one stone. The alternative would be building an Iranian nuclear reactor in downtown Beirut provoking Israeli shelling so as to remind the people who the real enemy is.”