Success! Syrian Farmer Survives Drought by Switching to Bot Farms

In a fresh triumph for the unstoppable Syrian entrepreneurial spirit, the same force that once made the desert bloom to hang charms against the evil eye, local “farmer” Mazhar Abu Fatira has officially abandoned agriculture and reinvented himself as king of one of the region’s leading bot farms.

Abu Fatira made the leap after realising that wheat and cotton, long celebrated for producing Syria’s most breathable boxer shorts, could no longer survive the country’s climate volatility, infrastructure curated by “Abu Khaled,” resource management supervised by “Abu Ahmed,” and the general ambience of political censorship, landmines, and heavily armed neighbours.

On our tour, Al-Hudood was shown the room where the bot-production line now operates on the ashes of his former farm. “People used to sweat under the sun here and lie flat to avoid stray checkpoint bullets,” Abu Fatira told us, pointing to the former farmhands. “Today, from a few square metres, they can push anyone in public life, no matter how powerful, to the brink of despair, and leave their mark on Syria and the diaspora.”

Despite the patriotic flair of his work, Abu Fatira insists it’s unfair to call him a sycophant. He still criticises when necessary. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: we don’t need government support. But we also refuse to let the market be flooded with cheap Asian bots. They’re plastic, low-quality, and you can’t even get them to make a mild jab about someone’s mother, let alone go off on a hate crime. And I’ll say all of this to Mr Ahmed himself.”

Editor’s note: “Mr Ahmed” refers to the Syrian Minister of Agriculture, Amjad Badr, whose whereabouts, condition, and contact details remain unknown to AlHudood.