Israeli Spy Documents Heroically Recovered from Damascus Corn Cart

Field sources have cast serious doubt on Israel’s self-professed tale of a high-risk, Bond-esque mission to retrieve the personal effects of famed Israeli spy Eli Cohen.

“Israel’s version has but a mere kernel of truth,” quipped Al-Hudood’s insider. 

The so-called “complex intelligence operation” involved no encrypted comms, laser grids, or rooftop chases—just a Mossad agent who stumbled across the documents casually stacked on a corn vendor’s cart in Marjeh Square, nestled between pirated DVD salesmen and a kaak seller wrapping snacks in official Saydnaya prison records.

The discovery occurred during what sources described as an “aimless archaeological stroll” by the agent and his colleagues, who were reportedly in Syria on an unrelated quest to locate the buried remains of Ben-Gurion’s cousin’s nephew.

The day’s exploits included enthusiastically spray-painting large glowing Xs on buildings "for later reference" by the Israeli air force, described by one source as “recreational target acquisition.” The corn, purchased in the evening, came thoughtfully wrapped in a handwritten note labeled Top Secret – Message No. 456 to Tel Aviv. Upon closer inspection, the agent also noticed a vintage electricity bill addressed to “Kamel Amin Thaabet” (Cohen’s alias) and what appeared to be Cohen’s last will and testament, lightly salted and stuck to the bottom of the cart.

Without hesitation, the agent bought the entire cart and had it smuggled across the Syrian border via trusted local logistics specialist Abu Basel of the Awaj River.

The corn vendor, for his part, claimed he had found the documents beside a rubbish bin after a security officer emptied an old archive cabinet “to clean out traces of the previous regime,” freeing it up for more pressing national priorities, confirmed by Al-Hudood’s sources to be tea and sugar, deemed essential for focused contemplation on rebuilding post-war Syria.