Differentiating between communism and Putin: AlHudood’s guide for leftist comrades

Kifah Umbrellobic - Alhudood dexterity correspondent

Differentiating between communism and Putin: AlHudood’s guide for leftist comrades image

The closure of the hammer and sickle club known formally as the Soviet Union left its admirers and fans among the comrades of the left in a state of shock. Many subsequently felt a sense of fear and emptiness because they lived in a reality that did not include a nation whose many qualities they could boast about - its nuclear and military arsenal, army, sense of security, scientific advancement, iron fist, and the proletariat-friendly Lada cars. Many felt heartbroken by the loss of what they perceived to be personal achievements, as though they themselves were part of the Communist Party’s Central Committee, involved deeply in its strategic plans.

But with the passage of time, a ray of hope appeared to these comrades in the person of Russian President Vladimir Putin, who filled the void in their hearts and reminded them of the past and its glories. He challenged the forces of global hegemony, and dedicated his life to remaining in power and riding bare-chested on his horse as an example of manliness and discipline. This accelerated his entry into the pantheon of leaders beloved by leftist comrades, achieving the rank of a messiah who would rescue them from other world leaders who want to do to them what Putin is doing to them.

At AlHudood, we sought to rectify any misunderstandings stemming from this new reality, as a service to our leftist comrade friends before the emergence of yet another leftist ideology to compete with Leninism, Stalinism and Trotskyism called Putinism. This is a particularly urgent matter due to prima facie similarities between Putin’s regime and others that claim the socialist and communist mantle without living up to them, such as China’s capitalist government, or governments like Bashar al-Assad’s, which instead of exalting the proletariat, it murders them indiscriminately. The guide consists of four pieces of advice for our comrades:

Rewatch early 90s newscasts

We don’t know the right way to say this, and we hope you will be able to overcome this tragedy, but unfortunately, yes, the Soviet Union, the pole and brother that your eyes seek out every day, has collapsed. Comrade Gorbachev announced it in 1991, and the individual states of the union abandoned it one after the other. We are truly sorry, and offer our condolences. And guess what? The Warsaw Pact collapsed as well and no longer exists (NATO survived though). The Berlin Wall fell too. Actually, you don’t need to rewatch the news, this is a sufficient summary, and try to remember it every time you sing the Internationale.

Watch current news

It is not enough to be aware of the news of the past, you must also be aware of current events. In addition to news of wars, political developments, official visits and humanitarian crises, you will notice that all international media outlets do not report on Putin’s plans to spread socialism around the world, his war on capitalism, or his support for liberation movements around the world. Instead, you will see Putin kissing and shaking hands with his friend Donald Trump, in addition to his role as a member of the resistance axis as the official coordinator for Israeli strikes in Syria. You may even chance upon a video of him mocking Communism and Lenin, all of which will help you realise the truth - that nobody can replace the Soviet Union in your hearts.

Stop manufacturing icons

This piece of advice is not specific to Putin, but rather comrades can benefit from it in their life in general. We invite you to abandon the production line for iconic figures and to focus on other more worthy causes like fighting capitalism. We understand that this is difficult for most of you, since abandoning the cause of turning human beings into demi-gods requires a lot of emotional effort, but you already have Marx, Lenin, Stalin, Ho Chi Minh, Mao, Che Guevara and Pol Pot, and they are enough. You will notice a material difference and lightness to your life, and the walls of your homes will thank you after removing the weight of all the photo frames of said leaders.

Re-read the Communist Manifesto

We believe that anointing a monstrous neoliberal who loves the free markets like Putin as a symbol of socialism contradicts the most basic tenets of the global left. In addition, the proletariat controlling the means of production is not the same as the mafia controlling it. This raises the question: are the leftists that glorify Putin truly leftists? We suggest subjecting them to a test on their knowledge of the Communist Manifesto and other basic economic principles like free markets, collective ownership, social justice and equal distribution of wealth. We might find that the misunderstandings are not simply due to the perception of Putin as an icon of the left, but due to misunderstanding what the left is entirely. We will have then done these individuals a service by getting them to know themselves better, and to realise that they are not leftists at all, but possibly right wingers, or that they are not socialists but neoliberals, or possibly that they just love Bashar al-Assad.