Israel welcomes Anhar al-Deek’s newborn with extra small handcuffs and a baby-sized prison jumpsuit

The Only Democracy in the Middle East™ reassured activists and watchdogs of its readiness to deliver the baby of Palestinian prisoner Anhar al Deek saying that that it has already ordered mini handcuffs and a prison onesie specially designed and tailored for the awaited newborn, in case the guards fail in inducing an abortion in time.

The Isreali Prison System (IPS) said that it has contacted the handcuff manufacturer Hiatt Co.* to ensure the ordered handcuffs look cute and are suitable for the infant’s tiny wrists. It also said that it has sent G4S* suggested colorful designs for thick sound-proof cell doors, so that the guards do not have to silence the baby’s crying with a pillow after hours.

The IPS secured product hampers from GARNIER* for female prison guards to help them practice self-care  and navigate the intense feelings resulting from  witnessing the miracle of birth in their facility.

Moreover, The IPS ordered guards to cool Anhar’s cell to subzero temperature, so that her body is numbed and therefore loses sensations in her extremities, for a smoother delivery. 

Further, they promised to tie down Anhar’s body to her bunk bed so that she does not have to look for anything to hold on to while she is pushing the baby from her uterus. 

IPS also assured Anhar that she would not be getting any beddings, toiletries or hygiene products, therefore guaranteeing a skin-to-skin experience between her and her baby for an everlasting bond.

The IPS refrained from tying the baby down with social norms, as they refused to assume its gender and rather decided on a neutral brown coloured onesie with שבס written on it, so that the child grows to realise that he, or she, is a prisoner of a tolerant state committed to liberal feminist values.

Israel vowed to provide the newborn with a healthy childhood similar to that of other Palestinian kids who spend their time in al Jalama prison where they are interrogated for hiding inside a terrorist’s womb for 9 months and  for acting as human shields.

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