Barcelona fans endorse club’s switch to sailing

Representatives of Barcelona FC’s fans endorsed Friday a proposal that would see the club abandon football and switch its primary sport activity to sailing, saying supporters of the Catalonian club had long loved observing the sport on the city’s beaches, days after Lionel Messi announced his departure from the club.

A spokesman for the club’s fans said they had collectively pledged never to watch football again.

“It is a sport that often has bad consequences such as causing you to insult God or other people’s mothers, and is quite violent and the players are overly sexualized,” he said. “On the other hand, sailing involves participants rowing in their boats and enjoying themselves, without people like Origi and Manolas and other motherfuckers ruining their mood.”

The spokesman said the fans’ decision was unrelated to Messi’s departure.

“We don’t care even if he wants to go to a shitty club in Qatar,” he said. “Our pivot to sailing is out of a desire for diversity and athletic enlightenment, and an attempt to rediscover ourselves in a new activity and develop self-discipline and peace of mind so we don’t kick that traitor’s ass or potentially lose to a club consisting of a bunch of sons of bitches like Paris St. Germain.”