Hezbollah and Israel sign historic rocket exchange agreement

Iran’s viceroy in Lebanon, Hezbollah, signed over the weekend a rocket launch exchange deal with Tel Aviv, which included rapidly exporting dozens of rockets, artillery strikes, accusations and crises between the two nations, in a valiant attempt to revive relations after two years of calm.

Sources on both sides said the deal was the culmination of regional and national efforts to revitalize dormant connections, and the violence ended without any notable human or material costs besides a few nervous breakdowns among Lebanese citizens - nothing to worry about for a population that relies on Tramadol and Xanax to survive to the end of any day.

Both sides have so far remained mum on the total number of rocket launches that are part of the new deal.

A Hezbollah spokesperson said all regional powers should support the new agreement, which he said would refocus attention on the political issues that really matter.

“We felt that both Lebanese and Israeli citizens had forgotten about us and the Resistance and focused instead on internal matters,” he said. “Israel was consumed by attacking Gaza and ethnically cleansing Jerusalem, and the Lebanese spent all their time worrying about political vacuum, financial collapse and last year’s port explosion.”