Government to resolve brain drain by worsening education

The ministry of education on Thursday unveiled a new, comprehensive strategy to end the chronic brain drain that has seen skilled professionals leave the nation to pursue careers abroad, pledging to resolve the roots of the crisis by preventing the emergence of brains to begin with.

The minister of education said at a press conference announcing the strategy that the plan to close down schools, fire top-performing teachers, expand classroom sizes and allow the sale of drugs near schools was a last resort after the failure of many other attempts to stanch the flow of the country’s top minds.

“We see our children growing up, and rather than sit at home with their diplomas and without jobs they are searching for them abroad,” the minister said. “They say that there are no jobs, that wages are too low, or that they are not part of the ‘wasta’ initiative for job creation.”

“Initially, when we eliminated subjects like literature, philosophy and sociology that encourage independent thought, we thought the students would more easily become cogs in the state’s machine,” he added. “But a surprising number continued to think independently and read outside the curriculum and plan to emigrate with no concern for the future of our country.”