Gazan Offers Front-Row Seat to 'Right Side of History' To Instagram Activists

GAZA CITY— Saying that he was haunted by the nagging feeling that he was hogging all the moral clarity and existential danger, local Gazan Wad’ah Abu al-Wuduh announced Saturday that he is graciously offering his highly-coveted seat on the “right side of history” to any Instagram activist in Berlin, Istanbul, or Amman with a strong desire to actually participate in liberation, ideally someone with good lighting and a working power bank.

“Listen, I’ve had the honour of getting airstriked daily for almost a year now, but it’s only fair that I step aside and let someone else taste the glory,” said Abu al-Wuduh during a shaky Instagram Live, pausing briefly as an Israeli F-16 flattened a neighbouring apartment building. “To all the brave souls posting #Resistance content from their brunch spots: this is your moment.”

The generous offer includes one (1) first-class view of Zionist imperialism in action, intermittent access to water, and the occasional viral clip opportunity—provided the incoming activist is willing to bring their own food, medicine, sandals, shampoo, clean drinking water, bug spray, and preferably, a satellite phone.

“If you’ve ever posted ‘From the river to the sea’ with a vintage filter over brunch, you’ve earned it. Godspeed.”