Egypt to Reunite Detainees with Their Families (in Prison)

In a move Egyptian authorities describe as a “bold step toward social cohesion,” the Interior Ministry announced the creation of a family ward within the high-security Scorpion Prison, allowing political activists to be detained alongside their parents, children, spouses, and even the notoriously irritable grandfather who hasn’t watched a news broadcast in decades without swearing at the screen.

Officials framed the policy as a reflection of the state’s deep commitment to “family values and national harmony,” insisting that collective incarceration will reduce the administrative burden of chasing down increasingly interconnected protest chains. “You arrest the son, the mother demonstrates. Arrest the mother, the sister goes on hunger strike. Detain the sister, and suddenly the uncles are livestreaming from the courthouse,” explained a source close to the policy. “Before long, toddlers are holding up signs saying ‘Free My Dad’, and extended families become full-blown media operations.”

Authorities say the solution is to treat families as a single ideological unit, particularly given the influential role of “emotionally volatile elders” in fomenting dissent.

Each family will receive one blanket to share, rotated according to a weekly schedule, and a set of legal texts most pertinent to their circumstances: the Penal Code, the Anti-Terrorism Act, the NGO Law, and the Cybercrime Regulations. A large television will also be provided, broadcasting The Choice (season three) on a continuous loop, to “support moral clarity in complex times.”

The Interior Ministry maintains that the programme reflects Egypt’s ongoing efforts to promote unity, discipline, and “reunification under one national roof, even if it happens to be reinforced concrete.”