In Wake of Hurricane Milton, US Asks Israel for Some of its Money Back

With every twist and turn, Hurricane Milton has offered surprises. The second largest has been natural: Record temperatures in the Gulf of Mexico have given it cause to intensify, its wind speed increasing by an unprecedented 92 mph in 24 hours, transforming from a tropical storm into a Category 5 hurricane. The danger it poses as it makes landfall is monumental. 

But the real twist came on the political front. On Wednesday, Secretary of State Anthony Blinken spoke at the White House and sheepishly confirmed that the American government had “sort of, kinda” asked Israel for some of its money back.

“We may have gone slightly overboard with our support,” said a grimacing Secretary Blinken. “You know, we’ve sent them billions and billions. They were fighting militants with homemade weaponry. They don’t need a shiny new jet for every one they kill, so—yeah, we asked them for a bit of money back.”

Blinken clarified that the money sent to Israel was not a debt, adding he was appealing to the “good nature” of Benjamin Netanyahu’s government to return some of the money the US had been sending.

“We had no way of knowing a hurricane would hit us, OK?” added Blinken. “We need some to hold down the fort. Maybe fix it up a bit when the storm’s gone.”

Blinken appeared at the podium without House Speaker Rep. Mike Johnson, rumoured to have taken his family to church and pray “for God’s forgiveness” for unleashing the hurricane, which Republican leaders considered a response to “not supporting Israel enough.” Blinken, refusing to comment on Johnson’s whereabouts, disagreed.

“We’ve always stood by Israel, so we’re sure Israel will stand by us,” said Blinken. “Spot a friend in a tight spot. Just send us back enough to throw a tarp over the occasional condo or something. Please?”