Meet the two presidential candidates that will not end the presidential vacuum in Lebanon

At long last, after the various Lebanese political factions agreed to continue their disagreements around the right person to fill the country’s vacant presidency, MPs in the legislature threw the CVs of their preferred candidates at each other. We now know who the two main racehorses are competing for the prime spot in the Baabda stables, and the qualities and abilities they will bring to the table as they fail to fill the nation’s leadership vacuum (even if, God forbid, one of them is actually elected to the post).

Suleyman Franjieh (President of the Republic of Zgharta and its environs)

Suleyman lived a difficult and challenging life, having been born to a father and grandfather before him who were both members of the landed elite and gentry, and succeeded in preserving this inheritance and giving it in turn to his son Tony, who joined the official Lebanese Parliament daycare.

Suleyman possesses an inalienable right to the presidency – his namesake grandfather was a president as well, which increases his rights to the position.

Suleyman is well known for his excellent choice in friends, having inherited his grandfather’s friendship with Hafez al-Assad and in turn befriended Bashar al-Assad, along with other excellent mutual friends.

He is the candidate of Hezbollah, which wants to place him in the presidency and could not care less about any objections to him.

Jihad Az’our

His first accomplishment, which led to him becoming a rising star on the political scene, was garnering more votes than his rival, the scion of the Franjieh family, who succeeded in bringing together sworn enemies who hated him with a passion, and leading them to pick Jihad.

A former finance minister under Fuad Siniora’s government, he presided over the disappearance of around $11 billion from the country’s coffers, which creates an aura of corruption that makes him an ideal presidential candidate.

He laid the foundations of tax policies that led to the current state of the Lebanese economy, which raises the possibility of things getting worse in the event of his election.

He is an employee of the International Monetary Funds, which gives him a leg up through the possibility of him securing large loans through his relationships and contacts, and can potentially resolve the country’s economic crisis by selling it off in a global auction.