Major industrial nations inaugurated the 26th conference dedicated to sobbing and weeping over the environmental state of our dear blue planet, while wailing over the future of younger generations and exchanging thoughtful and heartfelt messages expressing their sadness and anger over the future of the planet as it is left to fend for itself.
Global powers asked the peoples of the earth to take responsibility and recycle single-use plastic bottles, paper and other products they designed and made specifically for daily unsustainable consumption.
In a joint statement, industrial superpowers urged people to be the change they want to see in the world.
“You must act responsibly,” they said, “It is not just about recycling; think of the products you use, stop using plastic straws and buy metal ones instead. Your plastic toothbrush? Order a bamboo one from Amazon. These steps will not only save the environment, but also save you money that you can spend on buying high-end cars we made just for you.”
Delegations attending COP26 said that they cannot maintain a luxury consumerist lifestyle for some people if all the others did not commit to saving the environment.
“Otherwise, the modern men and women will find themselves living in burning forests just like first nations and indigenous populations,” they said.
They added that, at the end of the day, it is the people’s loss, as world leaders are capable of evicting them from their lands and leaving them to deal with the crisis on their own.
Delegations singled out populations of the global south, since they are facing the most detrimental impacts due to their ignorance in dealing with emissions and waste dumped on them by first world countries.
Superpowers threatened to withdraw the 2009 pledge of $100 billion for developing countries to fight climate change if they continue being so negative and throwing plastic bottles into the rising water levels flooding their cities annually.
Industrial nations concluded the conference by congratulating each other for taking their private jets and flying over to Glasgow to attend this congregation, promising to print awareness-raising leaflets on recycled paper.