The Ministry of Industry has approved a new strategic plan aimed at supporting and developing heavy industry in the nation, including the construction of new factories to produce biscuits, bubble gum, lollipops and gum-infused lollipops.
A ministry spokesman said the decision was taken because the government realised supporting local industry would strengthen the national economy and help propel the country into the ranks of great powers.
“This is why we decided to support our heaviest industries, so we can flood the global market with our superior bubble gum, crisps and biscuits,” the spokesman said. “Now they will only be ahead of us in the construction of ships, fighter jets, submarines, clothes, and paper clips.”
The spokesman said the ministry had ordered local factories to modernise their means of production and that the plan would create an unprecedented national strategic reserve of junk food.
“We expect in the short term a reduction in the amount of air in bags of crisps and an increase in the percentage of actual potatoes in the potato chips, in addition to an increase in the amount of cream, sugar and hazelnuts inside chocolate bars,” he said. “All gum sticks will now be able also to become actual bubbles.”