Syrian government asks people to ride each other until fuel crisis is resolved

The Syrian government called on citizens to adopt innovative measures to deal with an ongoing fuel shortage made worse by the blockage of the Suez Canal, urging them to ride each other to work instead of lazily lounging at home where they cannot be productive due to power cuts.

Comrade Bassam Tohme, the minister of oil, said the current crisis would be resolved in a matter of days.

“Soon the people will be able to go back to standing in long lines to fill their cars with gas and enjoy each other’s company in shared taxis, but until then we need to train humans to act as beasts of burden in preparation for other crises in the future, when such environmentally-friendly approaches will be desperately needed,” he said.

Tohme said it would be too expensive for the government to import donkeys and asses to help ease the crisis due to high shipping costs and the lack of sufficient animal feed, urging individuals to be self sufficient and to channel their inner animals for the time being.

“Take turns, let others ride you first, then ride them yourselves,” he said. “We trust in your steadfastness and resilience. Master a few meters first, and soon you will raise your comrades high as you do the nation, carrying them great distances and over hills and under bridges.”

Tohme said the government had some fuel in reserve, but it was earmarked for those who are already loaded with responsibility.

“This category includes government, military and intelligence officials, and their families, friends and loved ones,” he said. “They already carry a great burden on their backs – that is, the weight of an entire nation.”