Man waits to finish first paragraph of first chapter in his first book to proclaim self a writer

Saied Lulab waited patiently before describing himself as a “writer” in his resume and social media accounts. 

He waited before creating a fan page to gather the loyal fans of his mind’s intellectual treasures until after he had finished the first draft of the first chapter in his first book, the fruit of a literary career he initiated yesterday.

Lulab said the literary scene had suffered in recent years due to the low attention spans of readers in the Internet age.

“It became stuffed with clichéd, mediocre, dopamine addicts and wannabe writers on Facebook and Instagram, but I, the humble Saied Lulab, resisted this tendency,” he said. “Instead, I sat down two and half hours writing four whole lines, completing the first segment of my first novel.” 

“Next, the whole world will be introduced to a phenomenal masterpiece when I create my “Writer & Thinker Saied Lulab” fan page,” he added. “As soon as I do that, I’ll publish the first chapter in quotes full of timeless sayings.”

Saied plans to get some rest from work, meditating and allowing his ideas for the next chapters to breathe and form in his subconscious.

“Besides choosing a title and designing a cover, I’ve collected the paintings of the greatest artist to match my book’s spirit,” he said. “I took a photo of myself to be featured on the cover, leaning on my hand with a cigar in my mouth, staring at the void, staggered by the chaos we live in. I also haven’t forgotten to write a brief biography and to prepare my finest suit to wear at the awards ceremony once it is published.”

Saied is absolutely sure that his book will be one of the masterpieces of the 21st century and will spark an intellectual revolution in the shallow world of literature.

“No doubt publishers will be flocking to me after receiving the draft, which will be printed on fancy paper and mailed in an elegant envelope,” he said. “It will be accompanied by my creamy-colored card with my work phone number and embellished with my name with a splendid golden classical writing script.”