Lucky infant born to parents who believe in the right faith

A fortunate baby whose parents are followers of the correct religion was born yesterday, a local hospital announced, a step that will allow the newborn to avoid the eventual, eternal punishment in store for unbelievers.

Al-Wafaa Medical Center said the mother had been declared pregnant after visiting the doctor following a bout of nausea and a halt in menstruation, and delivered the extraordinary infant a full nine months later, raising the number of believers in the correct religion by one.

Hospital officials say the child is too young to understand the extent of his good fortune, but will come to appreciate it in time once he realises his ascent to Paradise is now assured.

Sources said the child would avoid the fate of hundreds of other newborns at the hospital, who will likely spend their lives believing in the wrong god and then burn and suffer for eternity when they die, “all simply because of their parents’ misguided beliefs.”