Suhail Valve – Ex-Victim
So you promised to visit your friend’s house tomorrow. Coincidently, and luckily for you, he is my friend too. Let me tell you: after being welcomed and seated in the living room, you will hear noises of crawling. Simultaneously, you will begin to see his eldest moving towards you, covered in chocolate from head to toe.
Upon his arrival, he will give you a warm embrace, print a kiss on your cheek and throw his head in your lap, before aiming at your ear to let you in on a moist, juicy secret. Out of sheer politeness, you will diligently take in the hissing and the warm breaths, sacrificing your earlobe on the altar of childhood and innocence.
Despite the chills running through your spine and this overwhelming desire to hold his head and eject it back to his father, you will commit to protecting his feelings, and his physical wellbeing, while smiling.
The kid will stop;you will think your nightmare is over. Think again. He is just taking a break to retract his snoot and before coming back to kiss your ear to make sure that his secret, and accompanying saliva, is received and is ingrained permanently in your perspectives on life.
Congratulations on your patience, your compassion, and your willingness to let a child take full liberty of you. Congratulations, once more, on befriending this child’s hero of a father, who watched you suffering without batting an eyelid, thereby reaffirming that the rotten apple does not fall far from the sick, sick tree.